ORANGE is bright and round like the sun that hangs in the east on my way to work. It makes me feel thankful. Thankful that I am employed even though I wish I could some day quit my job.
WHITE is pure, soft and fluffy like the clouds above. It gives me a feeling of warmth and safety like the smell of downy fabric softener on my bed sheets and the down comforter that I use to tuck myself in at night.
RED is so sexy and bold. It screams, "look at me." Oh how I’d love to wear it just once and not for Valentine’s Day. But I'm too afraid people would stare and judge me. How dare she…
BLACK makes me feel dependent… I need it in my life to camouflage my imperfections. The size and shape of my body, the stretch marks from childbirth. The hips from my ancestors. Oh and did I mention it’s also the color the puts me in the mood? I wouldn't dare make love with the lights on.
BROWN is my favorite… it smells of fresh baked brownies… The ones from Pillsbury that I claim are my own. Don’t forget the x-tra crushed walnuts on top, a secret passed down from my baby sister. Brown is one with me when Mother Nature invades my body.
(from my journal 6/05)
What the .....
He called to say that he was just around the corner and that he had something for me. The call caught me totally off guard. I had just finished my meeting and the to-do list was longer than the pencil I’d used to write it with. I was a little agitated that he was so close but anxious at the same time. I was so hoping that what he had would not draw any attention to me, while a small part of me hoped that it was something so extravagant that everyone would be like, “WOW, who gave you that?”
As I calmly walked to his car and pretended to smile, he glanced up at me looking so damn fine. I was so hoping that he could not hear my heart pounding or smell my feminine juices so close to his passenger door. I guess the look on my face was disturbing because he asked if I was OK. I faked it and said, “Yes, I’m just hungry.” No he didn’t ask what did I have a taste for.
I skipped the subject and reached in and took hold of the large blue bag which clearly had my name written on it. I didn’t want to appear eager so I just took hold of it and said, "Thank you." He indicated that there was also a card inside but asked if I could wait until I got home to read it.
He gave me a half smile and said that he had to go. Don't ask why, but I stood there and watched the car drive off wishing I was going with him. As I walked into the building, the suspense was killing me. The bag was so heavy; I immediately went into the ladies room and opened it. Much to my surprise, for lack of better words, it was filled with everything I’d ever given him along with a note saying, goodbye. I must have stayed in the stall for what felt like hours sobbing, wondering, "What in the hell just happened?"
As I calmly walked to his car and pretended to smile, he glanced up at me looking so damn fine. I was so hoping that he could not hear my heart pounding or smell my feminine juices so close to his passenger door. I guess the look on my face was disturbing because he asked if I was OK. I faked it and said, “Yes, I’m just hungry.” No he didn’t ask what did I have a taste for.
I skipped the subject and reached in and took hold of the large blue bag which clearly had my name written on it. I didn’t want to appear eager so I just took hold of it and said, "Thank you." He indicated that there was also a card inside but asked if I could wait until I got home to read it.
He gave me a half smile and said that he had to go. Don't ask why, but I stood there and watched the car drive off wishing I was going with him. As I walked into the building, the suspense was killing me. The bag was so heavy; I immediately went into the ladies room and opened it. Much to my surprise, for lack of better words, it was filled with everything I’d ever given him along with a note saying, goodbye. I must have stayed in the stall for what felt like hours sobbing, wondering, "What in the hell just happened?"
When I was 8
The view from the top of the street was narrow and steep
At the bottom there was a huge wooded field that had a
small entrance shaped like a cave
Big black bats would fly around at night
On the right side of the street were apartments
Old red brick buildings with little or no character
The wooden steps squeaked and the hallway smelled of old people
We lived on the second floor in a cramped one bedroom
I hated sleeping on the living room floor with my sister
Why didn't I have my own bedroom?
I never went out back to play because the
only view we had was of Saint Elizabeth’s Hospital
I was always afraid that the patients would escape and come after me
I played across the street where the grass was greener
The prettier side, the wealthier side. In my mind I lived there too
It was our house with the big yellow kitchen and a bay window so wide that you could see the entire neighborhood
It was our staircase that led to three huge bedrooms on the second floor; the pink one was mine. The one with the big white canopy bed and the pink and white ruffled bed skirt.
I especially liked the pink lamp, shaped like a pair of ballerina slippers. And I had my very own bathroom.
I hated when my mother called my name. I knew that it was time to come home. Back to the other side, the unattractive side, the dark and lonely side.
At the bottom there was a huge wooded field that had a
small entrance shaped like a cave
Big black bats would fly around at night
On the right side of the street were apartments
Old red brick buildings with little or no character
The wooden steps squeaked and the hallway smelled of old people
We lived on the second floor in a cramped one bedroom
I hated sleeping on the living room floor with my sister
Why didn't I have my own bedroom?
I never went out back to play because the
only view we had was of Saint Elizabeth’s Hospital
I was always afraid that the patients would escape and come after me
I played across the street where the grass was greener
The prettier side, the wealthier side. In my mind I lived there too
It was our house with the big yellow kitchen and a bay window so wide that you could see the entire neighborhood
It was our staircase that led to three huge bedrooms on the second floor; the pink one was mine. The one with the big white canopy bed and the pink and white ruffled bed skirt.
I especially liked the pink lamp, shaped like a pair of ballerina slippers. And I had my very own bathroom.
I hated when my mother called my name. I knew that it was time to come home. Back to the other side, the unattractive side, the dark and lonely side.
First Impressions
What if I told you that after my parents divorced, my step
dad only took the kids that were his
What if I told you that my mother abandoned me
at the age of 16 to become a writer
What if I told you that at 19 I was sexually assaulted by my
45-year-old supervisor and never told a sole
What if I told you that when I was 20 I tried cocaine for
the first time to just to impress a guy that I hardly even knew
What if I told you that I have been married five times and
that my current husband has no idea
What if I told you that my credit score is at its all time high
but I have less than $50 in my savings account
What if I told you that I’m one of the most popular people
at work but that my self esteem is at its all time low
What if I told you that I suffer from obsessive-compulsive
disorder and that unorganized people really piss me off
What if I told you that my biological father works at a
nearby coffee shop and he has no idea that I even exist
What if I told you that of all the things I just
revealed, only one of them is true
dad only took the kids that were his
What if I told you that my mother abandoned me
at the age of 16 to become a writer
What if I told you that at 19 I was sexually assaulted by my
45-year-old supervisor and never told a sole
What if I told you that when I was 20 I tried cocaine for
the first time to just to impress a guy that I hardly even knew
What if I told you that I have been married five times and
that my current husband has no idea
What if I told you that my credit score is at its all time high
but I have less than $50 in my savings account
What if I told you that I’m one of the most popular people
at work but that my self esteem is at its all time low
What if I told you that I suffer from obsessive-compulsive
disorder and that unorganized people really piss me off
What if I told you that my biological father works at a
nearby coffee shop and he has no idea that I even exist
What if I told you that of all the things I just
revealed, only one of them is true
April rain
Midst
drops
downpours
Slanted
straight
intermissions
Warm
cold
freezing pellets
Subtle
windy
hold onto something
Thunder
lighting
clouds clashing
Dark
sunny
beautiful rainbow
drops
downpours
Slanted
straight
intermissions
Warm
cold
freezing pellets
Subtle
windy
hold onto something
Thunder
lighting
clouds clashing
Dark
sunny
beautiful rainbow
Metamorphosis
Innocent
playful
believing in fairy tales
abandoned
disconnected
and searching for self
desperate
unworthy
holding on for dear life
in love
confused
pretending to smile
transforming
searching
trying to blend in
discarded
fearful
the pieces come together
emerging
exploring
reach out and touch her
uninhibited
radiant
free spirit butterfly
playful
believing in fairy tales
abandoned
disconnected
and searching for self
desperate
unworthy
holding on for dear life
in love
confused
pretending to smile
transforming
searching
trying to blend in
discarded
fearful
the pieces come together
emerging
exploring
reach out and touch her
uninhibited
radiant
free spirit butterfly
The Dance
His eyes are undressing me
His lips are caressing me
His hands discover me
His stiffness is calling me
His temperature warms me
His strength overpowers me
His sweat drenches me
His body smothers me
His moans excite me
His thrusts delight me
His rhythm follows me
His endurance boggles me
His passion takes hold of me
His juices explode in me
His lips are caressing me
His hands discover me
His stiffness is calling me
His temperature warms me
His strength overpowers me
His sweat drenches me
His body smothers me
His moans excite me
His thrusts delight me
His rhythm follows me
His endurance boggles me
His passion takes hold of me
His juices explode in me
This house...
This house is too big
This house is so small
This house is always cold
This house is very hot
This house is cluttered
This house is always neat
This house seems empty
This house feels lived in
This house sounds noisy
This house is too quiet
This house is very bright
This house is often dark
This house smells weird
This house smells sweet
This house is so dusty
This house is spotless
This house is very unique
Because this house is my home
This house is so small
This house is always cold
This house is very hot
This house is cluttered
This house is always neat
This house seems empty
This house feels lived in
This house sounds noisy
This house is too quiet
This house is very bright
This house is often dark
This house smells weird
This house smells sweet
This house is so dusty
This house is spotless
This house is very unique
Because this house is my home
Random thoughts
I'm in my space
my private place
Me and the keys
no one to squeeze
The sky is dark
did Max just bark?
It's getting late
wow, when was the last time I had a date?
Tomorrow will come
I'll get up with the sun
The birds will sing
and I'll give praise to the "KING"
my private place
Me and the keys
no one to squeeze
The sky is dark
did Max just bark?
It's getting late
wow, when was the last time I had a date?
Tomorrow will come
I'll get up with the sun
The birds will sing
and I'll give praise to the "KING"
National Poetry Month
Good morning to all
April is National Poetry Month
I'm going to try and commit to a
poem a day. I will not post one a day
but I will be ------- obsessively!
"Let the writing begin....."
Love, peace and creative juices!
Here are a few of my favorites...
I crave you
I want to make love to you
to be held, kissed and caressed
I want to lay naked next to you
and submit completely
I don't want to think or talk
I just want to be...
I want the love and forbidden
passion to spill over into morning
I want to be transported to a place
where nothing and no one exist
And upon our return to reality
I will just say goodbye
I am...
I am lost and I am found
I am physically exhausted
but mentally empowered
I am free of my past
and embracing the future
I am letting go of the clutter
but holding tight to the memories
I am rediscovering my inner child
while growing into womanhood
I am writing my own song
with the guidance of my soul
I am no longer the understudy
I am finally on center stage!
April is National Poetry Month
I'm going to try and commit to a
poem a day. I will not post one a day
but I will be ------- obsessively!
"Let the writing begin....."
Love, peace and creative juices!
Here are a few of my favorites...
I crave you
I want to make love to you
to be held, kissed and caressed
I want to lay naked next to you
and submit completely
I don't want to think or talk
I just want to be...
I want the love and forbidden
passion to spill over into morning
I want to be transported to a place
where nothing and no one exist
And upon our return to reality
I will just say goodbye
I am...
I am lost and I am found
I am physically exhausted
but mentally empowered
I am free of my past
and embracing the future
I am letting go of the clutter
but holding tight to the memories
I am rediscovering my inner child
while growing into womanhood
I am writing my own song
with the guidance of my soul
I am no longer the understudy
I am finally on center stage!
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