A Wingless Butterfly

he thinks of me more than usual
continuous daydreams as he
replays the events again and again

he's wanting to hold hands and
walk along the beach in hopes
of rekindling an old flame

he has a subtle way of mentioning
the things we used to do and all
those years that we shared in love

he texts me and sends me smiley
faces while reminding me of how
much he misses what used to be

like an old melody he says that i'm
the best thing that has ever happened
to him and he sees that now

when i look back on the life i spent
with him and all of the loving ways
that i took care of his heart
i can see why he is longing to go back
there wanting to begin again

when i was in love with him and all
the ones before him
i was wounded and desperate

i was never completely free to be me
i was a silent prisoner of fear and was
incapable of giving the love we deserved

i was loving from a place of childhood rejection
from what had become a pattern in my life
beginning from the days of my youth

if i were to go back there it would be as
if i am revisiting those painful memories
and a time when nothing felt safe

so for that very reason i cannot go back to
his love or any lover from my yesterdays
knowing full well that i am no longer her

i am not bound by the need for acceptance
because i belong to him and his grace and
mercy has become my salvation

the broken and wounded little girl has
been healed and is now whole and fully
engaged in each moment of her life

i simply cannot revisit the past and pick
up where we left off because it would be
like clipping the wing from a butterfly
and preventing her from soaring

National Poetry Month #10