Note to Self…

In the day to day, the little tasks, the mundane and the uneventful…look for God! Look for His creations, His hand, His love notes, His using someone to minister to you, listen for His voice, His leading…lean into His love. Life is filled with waiting, difficulties, bad news, weariness, sorrow, uncertainties, angry and unsaved people…and yes so much evil… and the list goes on…But look for our God! He is the beauty, He is the joy, He is the grace, He is the peace, His is the answer and He is the hope…. In this gift called life…look for this God! He is in our midst…daily!

This Pilgrim’s Progress

Sometimes I’m weary, sometimes I’m blue, but I’ll fix my eyes on You…

There are days when I’m not sure what to do, but my eyes are fixed on You…

In a culture of lies remind me what’s true, as my eyes stayed fixed on You…

Just as promised Your mercies are new, my eyes are fixed on You…

The finish line You will bring me to, help keep my eyes on You…

Breaking…

The broken leaves are falling from the branch, twirling down to the ground. Sort of musical but silent. Sort of like a quiet ballerina or a fleeting monarch. Similar to a happy day coming to a close, as they all must do. I see them… I see the leaves … with all the noise, the chaos, and the sorrow … I see the leaves. I see the leaves. As my heart breaks, I see joy and I smile like a child. In the mist of my sorrow, and this present darkness, all things beautiful and broken will come to an end. Something is breaking and something is brewing, and this is my sure hope. He promised.

My Unceasing Tears

A reminder that the “weeping willow” is not alone. She may weep alone, and stand alone, but she is not alone. She is surrounded by other trees. They may not be weeping as she is, but they are waiting to encourage her. They are right there beside her, within loving distance, if she so desires, companionship and if a she chooses to be vulnerable.

Similar to this tree, this beautiful and strong Weeping Willow…my heart weeps continuously. #ButGod…He sustains me. I am rooted in Him! He holds me close! I will not fall because He cannot fail. 

Note: I am unable to post the picture that I took, but it inspired me to write the above. I pray you can pull up an image of the most beautiful weeping willow, and that is what I saw, and inspired me and reminded me that we never weep alone. It may feel as though we are standing alone, but it is not true. 

A Lavender Whisper

Look at me says this tree

I’m not traditional and I’m not as strong

But I have a character all my own

Look at me says this tree

Slow down from life and notice me

I’m not demanding and in no way loud

Look at me says this tree

I’d love to hear your heart and comfort you with my quiet beauty

Look at me says this tree 

Sit here under my fragrance and whisper to me

I promise to respect your privacy 


*inspired by the Wisteria tree

The Lifter of My Chin

In the prior season of waiting, the longings, the darkness, the quietness, the uncertainty…and yes, all those tears…In that season of waiting has proven fruitful. I'm driving around, thinking about Dunkin' Donuts coffee or not. And I see so many beautiful flowers, breathtaking flowers, making me want to just stop and turn around and take a photo. I’ve done this three times already! As if I've never seen them before. And then I see the trees, trees that were once naked, appeared to be dead, now fully clothed in all their glory. I cannot help but stop and thank God. Absolutely breathtaking to my natural eye. Why? Because I got through winter. He brought me through yet another winter. Spring has sprung, and this is the result of the waiting! SELAH! 

Me Too

Being vulnerable 

Taking the first step of faith

Followed by, “me too…”

❤️


Carsyn

 She's quiet beauty

The younger version of me

If I had known Him

All About You

The birds sing, so do I.

The waves dance, so do I.

The trees clap, so do I.

The wind sways, so do I.

The sun rises, so do I.

The thunder roars, so do I.

If creation praises You, so do I.

I love You God, good morning.

Simplicity

Breathing

Resting

Grateful 


His grace 

His peace

His presence


Grateful 

Resting

Breathing 


Not by any works

Not needing to prove myself

Just a recipient of His love


Breathing 

Resting

Grateful 


Still learning

Still listening 

Still leaning on Him


So beautiful 

So blessed

So beloved


S e l a h…

Thank You Abba❤️

Similarly

 My Unceasing Tears

Similar to a tree, a beautiful and strong Weeping Willow…my heart weeps continuously. #ButGod…He sustains me. I am rooted in Him! He holds me close! I will not fall because He cannot fail. 

WHN “What’s Happening Now”

What’s happening now… The waves across the Bay, the sweet chorus overriding the humming from the refrigerator, and the Youtube fireplace in the background. And there are the precious birds, speaking in their own love language. That sound is overriding the waves. And, look…as I write…fluffy “one of a kind” snowflakes are twirling from the sky to the ground. In slow motion, it seems. Like a little girl, I feel so giddy. Pausing and smiling wide! It may not be enough to blanket the earth, but it is such a beautiful sight to see. The gift of sight, the gift of hearing, so many gifts we take for granted! Oh Father, I say, thank You! Thank You for the gifts! These gifts and the biggest gift; Your Son! And His promised peace…SELAH!

Temporary vs Eternal

Short shorts, mini skirts, selfies and smiles galore…

Some faithful joggers, dog walkers and bicyclist’s …

Construction flag men, outdoor cafes and people conversing…

And a “poetry in motion” chorus of birds before me…

Rush hour traffic begins, impatience and mean spirited people pass by…

Doctor’s visits, text messages and prayer requests…

I’m in the midst of all of this at once…surrounded by people doing life…

School letting out, public transportation and everyone glued to a cell phone…

Still amazed at the tiny winged creatures and their voices louder than humans…

I’m waiting for my mommy and because of my morning with Jesus I feel encouraged yet heavy…

I have HIS sure promised peace, but still my heart grieves for all who do not…

One fish at a time is true, but more and quicker I pray…receive His love now…today I pray…

In these last days, many are so content in enjoying this temporary sun when they can enjoy the eternal Son…

LORD JESUS BRING THEM TO YOU I PRAY…

Discerning the “W’s”

While I wait on You, please help me to discern that which is weariness, winter weight, winter blues or warfare. The Spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak. 

HIS ROBE

This BEAUTIFUL SAVIOR! Sitting here with all my God tools and heard an emergency vehicle going by. I paused to pray and then just “kept praying” and “somehow” He caused me to burst into tears, and then penned this. How the two are related only HE knows! I never ever want to forget the CROSS AND HOW HE ABSOLUTELY SAVED ME!!! 😢😢😢❤️❤️❤️✝️✝️✝️


HIS ROBE 

I broke all the commandments. Just to make some; I worshipped a false god. I took things that did not belong to me. Yes, I was a thief. I embellished things day after day. Yes, I was a liar. I had envy and jealousy deep within my heart, and sometimes on my sleeve. Yes, He said “thou shall not covet” and I did it anyway, repeatedly.

I had sex outside of marriage, not while I was married, but before I was married. Over and over and over again. It was actually my lifestyle. And so very normal to me. The drinking the cursing the drugs… All the gossip, the partying, and all the other things that we do when we are not in covenant relationship with Him. 

The lack of “self care” for the body He gave me, which I was naïvely unaware of. The lack of parenting skills. The lack of boundaries and protection. The lack of quality time with my children because overtime was more important. 

All the while “trying to build” a safety net or nest-egg just in case, because my pride would not allow me to ask for help otherwise. All deep rooted anger and frustration, the long-standing unforgiveness with some people, including my parents. And these are just a few things that resemble the old me. 

And then He comes with His Robe of righteousness, taking off my filthy clothes and stripping me of my worldly and ungodly behaviors and mindset. He calls me to repentance and then He calls me “Beloved.”

I’m completely undone because surely I do not deserve it, and did absolutely nothing to earn it… And yet He whispers, “I love you!”

—Personal question(s) for reflection: 

Do you have this Robe? Are you His “Beloved?”

Eternal LOVE

The Other 364 Days❤️

It’s Valentine’s Day

So many celebrate love

But do not know love


It’s Valentine’s Day

A costly day to spell l-o-v-e

While His love is free


It’s Valentine’s Day

Countless grieving hearts will mourn 

He is in your midst


It’s Valentine’s Day

The Savior loves all year long

Bring your pain to Him


It’s Valentine’s Day

His love has no price tag

Was paid in advance


It’s Valentine’s Day

A short-lived feeling for most

But not for His Bride

The Winter Shedding

Random prose as I sit here looking across the Bay! Clouds and some fog and light rain… Waves gently moving toward the right… As January comes to a close… 

It’s winter and it’s not cold yet but soon will be. I’m shedding and weeping and it’s at times, overwhelming. Nothing new to Him as He prepared these warm days in advance. He absolutely knew I would not be able to stay inside with all of these emotions. At least twice a week He has given me an escape. No people overload and no ministry assignments. But He also knows I’d be willing and available if “the circumstance” calls for it. He knows my limitations and HE is my source of strength. He knows the voice inside of me will say with all humility, “I don’t want to, but I’ll do it for You.”

He’s so very patient with me. I need winter. And I embrace all that comes with it, even the difficulties. I need shedding. We all do. Without it we will continually carry stuff we shouldn’t and were never meant to. Without winter we would live a “I’m okay in public” but a “Not really in private.” And who, who wants to live like that?

I’d prefer the pain and the tears. The realization and the unpacking it all. The knowing I don’t have to and HE so wants to. I prefer the shedding of my soul and the preparations for Spring. As He wills it. I prefer the being made new and embracing every beautiful thing planned for me before the foundation of the world.

So winter…have it your way. I’m armed with my Sword of the Spirit, my Kleenex, my journal, my Romans 8:26 and the saints that will walk with me when the burden tries to overtake me. I’m HIS and all of my days are before Him. He promised and so quietly and lovingly reminded me last night in Psalm 139… One verse at a time, He whispered, I AM … I see you. I know you. I created you and I Am right here with you. 

Love, Abba❤️

Up Close and Personal

Twenty-five years in law enforcement showed me some unfortunate things…up close and personal…

So very naive….expecting tv…so subtle were some criminals and so very blatant the others…

Some radio silence, some repeated calls and those code 1 adrenaline transmissions…

In-house power, greed and pride while climbing the “ranks” to endless success…

Seeing both poverty and entitlement, the unschooled and highly educated…

Favoritism and not so favorites, so called worthless and highly esteemed…

Accomplishments through hard work and the back door short cuts…

Plenty of racism and stereotyping, lots of fake smiles and backstabbing…

A hard day’s work with little rewards, endless overtime and lots of regrets…

The most vulnerable overlapping and those least likely to care…

Prostitutes and drug addicts, pimps and drug dealers...

Fire arms and needles, condoms and crack pipes…

Lots of personal opinions but no real solutions or direction…

Good leaders overlooked and fools with authority…

The elderly, the homeless and countless teenage mommies…

No real head of households and no prayer in the public square…

But in my years of walking with Jesus, He has with clarity shown me sin, up close and personal…

My Thing

I have never really had a desire to travel, and I still don’t. But I have had the pleasure and privilege to have visited a few beaches and oceans over time…. 

A few cruises and some excursions…and the Alaskan seas…all so breathtakingly beautiful…

Still amazed that the Chesapeake Bay/North Beach is my front yard…over 4,000 days of waves…

I love the simple beaches like Ocean City, and the one further down, Rehobeth…

By His grace I saw the beach in Japan, the beach in Haiti and the beach in Ghana…

And I had an unbelievable beach front suite in Wales, England… All to my “He so spoils me” self…

And to temper my frustrations in my professional life, I would drive down to the Southwest waterfront…temporarily invisible…

To temper my frustrations in my personal life, I would drive to the lakes not far from my home…sit and write poetry…

I had absolutely no clue that all I had to do was willingly take a drink of His Living Water, and then never to be thirsty again…

I’d no longer yearn to fly away…or to quietly disappear, and nor would I be so unexplainably parched … metaphorically speaking…

I would now have an endless spring inside of me…bubbling over for countless others to partake…

All the years I’d secretly longed to be near the water…my happy place…my safe place…my pretend “life’s okay place…”

Standing here in this moment…I still cannot believe He truly gave me my heart’s desire and so much more…

Water is my #thing…

What’s yours?


(Just arrived home and stood by my car, near the Sunrise Garden while the flowing waterfall ministered to my soul…)


The Miraculous Mundane

Recently God has been teaching us to focus on the most important things. We've realized this means being obedient to whatever God is asking moment by moment 

"Nursing, changing diapers, having to step away from loud areas, missing evening activities - there is so much time in parenthood where you're on the fringes of whatever is going on. During those moments in the Dominican Republic, I wish I would have known this: nursing, changing, rocking to sleep - these things are sacred. They are holy. They are Gospel. They have an eternal impact. Z isn't just your baby. You are stewarding an eternal soul. It is so hard to miss out on ministry. I missed 3 salvations in the DR while I was with Jason. You're going to miss important things too. But I boldly suggest Z is the most important thing right now. That clean diaper on his bottom matters as much as any other type of service. He is learning to love, trust, and receive care. Someday those things will apply to his relationship with God. And Lord willing someday we will get to rejoice over Z and Jason's salvations! Oh what a day that will be!"

God's economy is a miraculous thing. Something as small as one boy's lunch can feed 5,000 men (plus ~15,000 women and children). A simple stick can part seas. A midwife protecting babies can set an entire nation free. 

With our God there is nothing too big to be impossible, and nothing too small to lack eternal significance. When we are walking in obedience to Him, even the most mundane things become miraculous.

Whether it looks like mentoring a younger employee at work, baking for a neighbor, slowing down enough to see and support a loved one, or sharing the Gospel in an everyday moment, may 2023 find us all being faithful to the most important things.

– Sister Christina

This Moment

In the moments there is laughter and food and fun and genuine fellowship. In the moments, my favorite program, doing laundry, tidying up around the house. In the moment there is texting and catching up on emails. In the moment there are encouraging Facebook posts. 

In the moment there are prayer walks and phone calls and letter writing. Outside the moment there can be subtle depression, moments of anxiety, lots of uncertainty…and yes, sorrow, anger, and a desire to leave this world. That’s where I need you!

Father, in every single moment, hold me close. In the moments there are weekly congregational gatherings. There are worship songs, sermons, salvation and baptisms. There are lots ministry opportunities. There are brothers and sisters praying collectively, serving the body, and ministering to the lost. In the moment there is Sabbath rest. S e l a h…

Sometimes, most times…there is sickness. In the moment there’s lots of frustration. Also yummy sunny days, amazing sky art and God sightings! There are beautiful memories and visits with loved ones. In those moments, there appears to be lots of driving up and down 260 and Route 4!

Outside the moments, there are abortions, human trafficking, abuse and divorce. Ongoing wars and persecution! I hate all that. In the middle of the night…in those moments, there is restlessness and tears. Unceasing prayer. In every moment, especially in these…I need Thee!

In the moment there are death notifications, there is weeping, there is a child being born, there is a mental breakthrough and there is an engagement. In the moments there are “laugh out loud” memories being made, there is excruciating pain, there are also moments of silence, there are moments of just not knowing what to do… 

In all of these moments, He is aware and He is not asleep. And all of these moments He is God. The good moments and not so good moments, the next moment and the last moment…He is the God of all flesh and the God who gives us a moment and the moments. 

Embrace each one. Let everything that has breath praise the Lord. It may be the last breath, and it may be the very next breath that we see Him. 

In this moment please choose salvation.

Do You Like Your Life

I like where I am in life. I like being retired and living on the beach. I like my church and the local shops near by. I like my neighbors and my prayer walks. I like my simple taste for food and clothing. I like my crime shows and not being addicted to any one program. I like basic cable and having the Wi-Fi to keep in touch with my loved ones. I like my assignment God’s given me to pray for the nations. I like friends and family trusting me with their heartfelt personal petitions. I like having very little on my calendar. I like my two ministry days. I like being a witness in the market place. I like experiencing four seasons. I like my used car and having discretionary income. I like running errands for others and being His hands and feet. I like lazy days and naps. I like being Barnabas. And I really like reading my Bible without interruptions. But as much as I like this life, I am so ready “when He says so” to come Home! Yes, I truly like it here…but I love that I am not a resident here, but a citizen of heaven. 

Inspired by the movie: I Heard The Bells



My Need to Pen Words

Poetry and prose gives me a place to put my past. 

Prose and poetry gives me a place to put my pain. 

Poetry and prose gives me a place to put my petitions. 

Prose and poetry gives me a place to put my…progress…

Poetry and prose gives me a place to put my…pride…

Prose and poetry gives me a place to put my… people pleasing…

Poetry and prose gives me a place to put my passion for this Jesus.

Prose and poetry gives me a place to put all of my praises to the God of heaven!

Poetry and prose gives me a place to put my, “peace be still…”

Prose and poetry gives me a place to put all of my… pent-up “stuff” until I see His face!

Yes, writing poetry and prose greatly helps me with my preconceived outcomes and to make preparations for His second coming. To to prevent me from looking back there and with the help of the Holy Spirit, continually pressing forward! 

The Shedding of My Soul

The abandonment the abuse the adoption the abortion. All the anxiety and the not asking. The anger and the aloneness. The aching the apologizing and the accommodating. The aching the accusations and the accepting. The awareness and the awakening. The quiet author…

In between all the accomplishments, being so easily accessible … and the grande finale … the all consuming love … always there and His promised forgiveness …. always available!

The undeniable assurance and my soul’s final resting place.

What an unbelievable incredible adventure!!!

Today’s Grace…

Up, pills, clean water, dressed, texted loved ones, left out, yay car started, sun on my skin, yumminess, driving, news, arrived, parked, Bible reading, fresh awakening, His love, pause, hugs, love, carpooling, lunch, closed, plan b, noise, food, music, conversations, safe place, prayer, gratitude, laughter, next, driving, pick up, pause, potty break, family videos, more laughter, more laughing, homemade gingerbread, more carpooling, priceless fellowship, passenger, sightseeing, so happy, park closed, plan b, togetherness, hiking, sunset, nature, sharing, reflections, truths, Holy Spirit, love, unity, laughter, separation, headed home, closing prayer, back in my car, silence, humility, grateful, home, safe, exhale, peace, coffee, warmth, more reflection, more gratitude…SELAH…

G - God please 

R - Remind us 

A - All of it 

C - Comes from Your 

E - Endless provisions…

#2023 … ?

N - Nothing’s changed yet…

E - Each day grows darker…

W - We are in judgement…


Y - You cannot deny it…

E - Evil is rampant…

A - All hell’s broken loose…

R - Receive mercy America and repent


Romans chapter 1 … 

Celebrating sin and rejecting God😢

The Search

When you don't have love from anyone, you will accept love from anyone. When you believe there is no one that loves you, you will receive love from the next one that comes along. 

So many are unaware that there is a secure love found in the One who already loves them.

So many people, in the millions, crave for someone to love them. Just wants one true-love. And truly believe he/she would be “the one” if they could only … Not knowing that the One is the only One who can…

Everyone, or every other one, is seeking this love. 

That's because the One has created human beings with a hole in their heart. And the only One that can fill that void, that longing, that emptiness, is the One who created them. 

Everyone is loved by Him. If only everyone sought Him.

And sadly, the evil one knows this. While everyone is searching for almost anything and everything to fill this loss, this gap, this space… The evil one is aware that the One loves them, and he is trying to do anything and everything to prevent them from discovering His love.

There is only One love of a lifetime, and it will not be found in humans.

It can be found in the One who created us for fellowship with Him. The One Adam and Eve walked intimately in the garden with before the sneaky one deceived them. 

Stop searching for someone and seek the One who will never leave you nor deceive you. The One who is patiently longing to love you. 


Haiku — Ephesians 6:19

A divine door knock 

Not at all about the box

But about the words


Which was predestined 

Not me opening the door

But an open door


Just as Paul prayed for

And how we never know when

But must be ready


Your reason for Hope

Store the gospel in your heart

And He does the rest


(God I love you because that package wasn’t there earlier)

Silent Night “Haiku”

 It is quiet now

As the day slowly settles

 CHRISTmas will soon leave


Tomorrow will come

And the normalcy of life

Mundane for many


Please please please reflect

Why did God send a Savior

You won’t be the same


If you seek the #truth

The remainder of your days

You will have HIS peace

#ButGod…

In the quietness…and in my head…in the choosing to be still…my soul is at rest…

Yes…my heart hurts…but there is still peace…

I can still see it…and can often, still hear it… 

All the noise…all the food…all the gifts…all the laughter and the simultaneous talking over one another… 

Exhale … all the love…

Our own language…the chaos mixed with chemistry…and a little bit of dysfunction…

In the unseen…nothing is ever sudden…in an instant…everything is purposeful…and rarely without meaning… 

The dysfunction…somehow it kept resurfacing and the occasional lingering…and now…now… 

It is an elephant in the room and it is long-standing … S e l a h

The shift…a subtle shifting…or maybe not so subtle…

It was most assuredly and inevitably going to spill over…as the enemy is #always lurking… 

#But praise to the One who is #always working…working on our behalf…

At the moment that His grace is embraced, the spiritual war begins… 

#But the victory is already won…and obedience is the key…

Not doubts, not discouragement, not deception…and not worthless worldly distractions… 

#But faith…by prayer and supplication…and increased faith…

The sneaky slithering snake is twisting and tempting…and a master at manipulating…

#ButGod…He finishes what He started…He wrote the ending…

Jesus declared publicly … It Is Finished!!!