I Forgot He Forgave

Just because he's not praising ME doesn't mean that others aren't.  Just because he gives my Son no glory doesn't mean that He's not Lord.  Just because you cannot see any progress doesn't mean that there isn't any.  Just because he's blinded by his flesh and the subtleties of satan doesn't mean that I AM not still God.  Just because you are focusing on him and not ME, I forgive you.  Beloved, you forgot that a small glimmer of light shines even in the midst of overwhelming darkness.  Yes, you forgot, but I forgave you.  Yes, long ago, I forgave you.

Love,
Abba

It's Fall

It's Fall.  And as I uttered those words just moments ago, I'm reminded of the fall.  It's because of that fall that I stood on my dad's balcony in grace.  That fall, all those years ago led to our fall, all of mankind.  It's why He came.  Because we kept falling.  Nothing was going to stop us.  We fell and fell and it went deeper and deeper and deeper.  The depth of our fall was too far to return.  Unable to stand upright and unable to return to His Light.  We had become a fallen people.  Did He look away?  Yes!  Did He turn His back?  No!  Did He reconcile the fallen?  Yes!  Did all respond?  No!  Is He still patient?  Yes!  Is it too late?  No!  Come to the alter today!  It's Fall and you've fallen but He is faithful.  No matter your season of life...reach for His hand.  He helps the fallen.  Admit that you've fallen and let Him pick you up.  He alone if faithful.  He can redeem the fallen.

For if, while we were God's enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life! -Romans 5:10

Uninterrupted Conversations

Unseen things are continually demanding my attention

The human brain also called the natural man wants to know

People, places and things dominating my inside thoughts

Repeated chatter and random solutions appear reasonable to me

All that commotion going on between my ears and brown eyes

Unnecessary wrestling, undiluted worry and unlearned patience

All because I've chosen to focus on the seen as opposed to the unseen

The place where all of the answers dwell because it's where He dwells

Anthropomorphism

I cannot see you
but I see you

I cannot feel you
but you touch me

I cannot hear you
but I hear you

You are not unique to me
but I am unique to you

You are everywhere at once
you are right hear with me

You are my heart's desire
you are everything to me

With every tear I long for you
keep your promise to return for me

I cannot see you
but soon...I will see you

Never Forget

Together but separate
Different yet alike

Both beautiful and funny
Both intelligent and bright

Chosen and loved
So delicate so free

As the journey continues
Predestined to be

His daughters His treasures
His crown His glory

Created in His image
It’s His plan His story

On this special day
He gifted especially to you

His love is eternal and
His PROMISES are too

"For Judith and Juliet"

My Flesh...Day After Day...

I still stand in amazement...
I pray and I wait...and then...
I don't see it...not with my eyes

I keep forgetting it's YOU...
Ten years later, it's so not me...
It's ALL about You

I'm driving and hoping...
It's getting late and I'm looking
I'm almost disappointed...
Nothing yet...says my flesh

And then...perfect timing
THERE YOU ARE
In my mind's eye, I can't decide...
The Holy Spirit speaks...
Gently, quietly...nudging me...

There beloved...right there...
Then HE speaks...
Not me, but Him speaking through me
I'm disappointed no longer
BUT TRULY AMAZED

Then WOW...All You
Do it again LORD, please...

The next day...
The pain in my back
The flesh just not wanting to....
But the Spirit...His Spirit...
Gently, quietly...nudging me...

There HE GOES AGAIN
Using me...in spite of my fears
In spite of my flesh...

Absolutely incredible…
Do it again my Lord, please...
Please...give me some more of that

And the next day...
Okay Beloved, look for it...
Holy Spirit leading, guiding and directing...

It's raining...surely not today Lord
Yes, today daughter...
Go out and tell them about ME

Looking and looking with these eyes of flesh
These eyes that have to see it...that have to be sure
Forgetting so easily that it's by FAITH alone
Not by sight precious child

AND HERE IT COMES AGAIN
There....across the street, I'll be with you
Tell her...walk her gently through MY Grace

Unbelievably Devine are You Lord
Ever patient with me
Ever present with me
Ever faithful day after day

In spite of my flesh
In spite of my fears
You show up...day after day...

Do it again My Lord...
Please...do it again...
Holy Spirit...gently, quietly...nudge me

Waiting Here For You


Waiting, waiting,
Watching, breathing,
Waiting, waiting,
Listening, seeking,

Here, I watch,
Here, I listen,
Here, I wait,
Patiently, I wait,

I wait for you,
My eyes, they seek you,
My ears, they listen for your voice,
My feet would run to you, if given the choice,

Here, I remain,
Here I wait,
Standing strong against the pain,
Waiting, begging you to decide,

I’m here, here,
I whisper,
Here, come here,
I beg,

Waiting, waiting,
For you,
Watching, listening,
For you,
Seeking, searching,

On I wait,
On I pine,
Until the day,
That you’ll be mine.

 -Jessica Link

Phoenix

Feathers foiled & joints grind
Wings flown their last time

In the dark to find rest
Time long since come to pass

No one left to say goodbye
Time to hope, time to die

To thyself he comes quick
Death ignites flames, they lick

Cleansed by fire, born is hope
Come forth anew

Ashes swirl & embers burn
Smoke engulfs that tired life

Wings burst forth in golden rays
Made new again to rise, to fly

On winds that blow North & South
Fly away somewhere unseen

New creation with new dreams

-Lauren Moreta


Jesus Is Enough

When all is well
And life is good
Jesus is enough

When storm clouds blow
And shake our world
Jesus is enough

When illness comes
And pain remains
Jesus is enough

When money is short
And ends don’t meet
Jesus is enough

When relationships fail
And not all is well
Jesus is enough

When change occurs
To our displeasure
Jesus is enough

When heartache comes
And sorrow persists
Jesus is enough

When this life ends
And we stand before the Father
Jesus was, is, and always will be enough.

-Debbie Poya-Mesin

Nothing

as of late...I just don't feel like it
not the reading
not the praying
not the crying
not the living

i don't feel like nothing really
just wanting to sit by the window
frozen in my sacred space
just the two of us

no set schedule or timimg
when i'm there i'm supposed to be
not wanting to do anything else

i don't want to talk
i don't want to text...send or receive
i don't want to check emails
not even incoming prayer requests

i'm unable to mouth the words
i'm unable to explain to others
i'm unable to pen it to my journal

i deeply love him
i fully trust him
i wholeheartedly believe in him

but honestly...as of late
i'm wanting to do nothing really

the fire is still inside of me
the desire burns for his kingdom
and the calling will be fulfilled

but as of late...my tank is empty
this flesh is burden and i hate this world
i cannot sit idle and do nothing

Created For More...

I stepped into a tiny boat
with no rudder, sails, or oars
and drifted downstream,
heedless of the deadly falls ahead.

O God, You crawled out on a branch
with Your hand outstretched.
You called to me and asked of me
only that I clasp Your hand and trust.

"How can I trust?" said I,
"when I have been tossed with every wave
and drenched by every storm?"
Still, "Trust," you bid, and fearfully I raised my hand.

You caught my hand
though it was half-trusting given,
and raised me up to You.
You took me as I am, but took me to be more. 

- Denise Hardy Fuller

My Reward

There are seasons of pain
Times of loss and times of fear 
But I know, that you are here
Wiping away every tear

Because even if you make me stay
And even if you take my dreams away

I choose You Jesus 

I choose You my Lord
Make me remember 
God, You are my reward 
You are my reward

When I forget you’re my reason
I get lost 
oh God I get lost
I fall apart in the season

But You choose me still Jesus
You choose me still my Lord (x2)

And Even if I give it all away
And Even if I suffer for your name

I choose You Jesus

I choose You my Lord
Make me remember God
You are THE reward
You are my reward

 - Ashlee Moore



Saturday Without Christ

The moon just rose from the top of the sea similar to a sun rising....
Stopping me in my tracks, totally capturing my attention...
Just like the cross, over two thousand years ago...
I was not there of course, but reading about it on this day, yesterday's and all the days prior, still stops me in my tracks...
The complete awareness, realization and assurance that He loved me that much...
No greater love, no other gods...
Wow, I still cry, I still pause and I still marvel at His sacrifice...
As I look at the moon now, so big, so golden and so perfect...
My God, my Savior, so Present, so Powerful and so Faithful...
Just sitting here staring at His creation and reminded that I too am a similar creation, someone worth dying for...
How can it be...that my Lord would die for me...
He hung the moon, the one that just rose moments ago from the tip of the sea and He hung on the Cross at Calvary for the one who's writing this prose, that would be me...

Still Here

In my late teens I wanted to die. I wanted the pain to end, believing that no one would care or miss me. In my mind's eye I never saw 20's or joy. I surely never saw love. In my early 40s I wanted to die...never seeing true-love or wanting to experience pain "like that ever again." I never saw the sunrise, never saw the Monarch and never saw reconciling with my mom. Today, I love. I've decided I'll do this "life" one day at a time, in the spirit of LOVE! Because I am so LOVED! 

I'm so glad I stayed... 

My Baby's Birthday

Alex Haiku

Thirty years ago
An auburn head baby boy
Now a man in Christ

Not a perfect one
But leaning into His will
Have Your way Lord God


When I Wake

In the morning when I wake give me Jesus
Not my thyroid pill, not a cup of coffee, and not my cell phone…just give me Jesus
Not the latest news report, not the weather forecast, not even a prayer request…just give me Jesus 
Not yesterday's regrets, not today's desires or tomorrow's longings…just give me Jesus
In the morning when I rise give me Jesus 
In the darkness of night and I'm closing my eyes...just give me Jesus
In my hour of need give me Jesus...In the midst of my joy...give me Jesus
Not a promise to behold, not a verse or a hymn...just give me Jesus
If I am to remain in this world but not of this world...in the morning when I rise give me Jesus

Not Visible

quiet in here
raining out there

waves collapsing
fog hovering

unknown
and
unseen

yet
known
and
seen

He's here
He's there
He's everywhere




Nine Years of Experience

Having been on this journey for the past nine years has shown me that all the years prior were not wasted.  Once I held the bible and happened upon the word suffer, I used to say that I had no right to speak of suffering because I had not suffered.  I could not utter the word without thinking of my Savior.  I have had a lot of bad experiences in my youth and leading up to adulthood.  I have experienced physical and verbal abuse.  I have experienced being abandoned.  I have experienced sexual harassment.  I have experienced the aloneness of being a teenage mother.  I have experienced the shame of being left by a spouse.  I have experienced the embarrassment of not having an education.  I have experienced the fears of not having enough and not being enough.  I have experienced jealousy, envy and discontent.  I have even experienced a season of having excess.  I even remember experiencing love...I mean heartfelt, unconditional, romantic, "being myself" kind of love...

And then having to surrender it...

I worshipped a false god and was still able to get up each day and have what I needed to sustain yet another day.  Year after year, I obsessively kept journal after journal in an effort to have someone to trust, someone who wouldn't leave me and someone who would understand, without me having to put my truest feelings out in the vulnerable universe.

In my nine years of experience...the life I have been blessed with surpasses the 42 years leading up to it...

Jesus Christ called me out of darkness and with that calling, I am to experience suffering...

In My Eperience

Working hard pays off in the end
Loving hard is worth every tear
Owning a pet is better than not
Having children keeps you young
Helping the elderly enlarges the heart
Following your dreams is crazy fun
A really trusted friend is priceless
Having a scale keeps things balanced
Laughing out loud burns calories
Time away from life refreshes the soul
Prayer keeps one humble

In my experience, nothing compares to
having a personal and intimate relationship
with the One who Created you...

Jesus Christ is Lord of ALL

Based On Prior Experience

I know how it feels to be insecure
I know what shame feels like
I know what regret feels like
I know how it feels not to be the smart one
I know what rejection feels like
I know what betrayal feels like
I know how it feels to lose it all
I know what fear feels like
I know what faking it feels like
I know what it feels like to be lied to

Based on prior experience, I know what it feels like
to blend in with half the population

Jesus Christ transforms lives

Hiatus

For what is now going on my third week, I've been nestled away in the loving arms of my daddy.  Tucked away in Akron, Ohio with all the comforts of home.  I can only say that because I was once lost and became found.  I was blind and could not see.  I was wondering all of my adult life in search of home.  I had no idea that it truly existed but the little girl in me would never cease longing for it.  And once discovered, it has attached itself to the very core of my being.  I usually come to this sacred and treasured space in the early summer, when I departed last June, my undeniable intuition, instructed me to come back for winter.  So here I am in the frigid temperatures, now being labeled a Triple Threat because of the approaching snow storm.  So not concerned as I am in the presence of his unconditional love and unending grace.  I have everything that I could possible need, and if I had to stay permanently, it would be well with my soul.

As I just penned that prose, I was speaking of being in the presence of my birth dad.  But, anyone who knows me could easily translate that to going home to be with Abba.  The ONE who has prepared a place for me in advance.  Long before the search began to find my earthly father.

(Hi.a.tus) a pause or gap in a sequence, series, or process...
I was singing in my car...laughing out loud and completely understanding why I was never invited to join the choir!

Anyway, here's my song to my LORD!

Great is thy faithfulness
Great is thy faithfulness
Morning by morning
New mercies I see

He is my Father
I am His daughter
No matter the trials
He walks beside me

I am His daughter
He is my Father
All that He's promised
I'll trust in thee

He is my Father
I am His daughter
Kept under His wings
I'll always be

Great is Thy Faithfulness
Great is thy faithfulness
Morning by morning
New mercies I see


Silly Holiday Thoughts

If I were a Christmas tree, I would occasionally come inside for hot coco and maybe even add tiny marshmallows.  In the spring time I would intentionally position myself near the butterfly feeders and smile wide when the Monarchs flutter by.  In the fall I would recharge my colorful festive lights and get ready for my grand performance.  I would glow so bright, anticipating cheer to all who pass me by.  And this time, when I go on break, I would go inside for a cup of hot English tea with fresh cream.

Haiku

if writing is your passion then a blank page is not writer's block, it's actually a poem waiting to be written...

Remaining Hopeful

i dreamed and it came to true
i believed and it came to pass
i waited and it was not in vain

i am dreaming and believing
i am believing and waiting
i am waiting and hoping

Reflecting Haiku

when i think of love
i miss writing poetry
it is still in me

when i think of love
i miss reading for pleasure
i long for those days

when i think of love
the thing that i miss the most
is holding his hand

when i think of love
HE brings me back to present
and my longings fade


Prose Love

A commercial has been repeating itself lately, expressing how great it is to (be) in love.  I agree completely as I remember love.  It was wonderful to be in love.  It was magical, exciting and oftentimes spontaneous.  We planned things, we created memories and we cared for one another in ways that only "lovers" tend to do.  We made mistakes, forgave (most times) and we grew to know the strengths and weaknesses of the other.  There were some tears, lots of laughter and rarely any anger.  If there was jealousy or envy it went undetected...at least from what I recollect.  There were burst of spring, summer road trips and winter's snowy bliss. Saying all this briefly reminds me of love and how I had the beautiful privilege to experience it.  And for that, I thank My Savior.  I thank Him because compared to HIS UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, I don't miss love.  I have LOVE and it trumps being in love.  Humans cannot possess love, they are only cable of being...BUT in Christ, we have LOVE and it remains eternally.

From North Beach To Japan

THANK YOU FATHER, GOD OVER ALL!





Autumn

It's Autumn and has been for a while now. I don't know what season of life you're in but I'm in the season of leaves. 

Leaving and following...
Leaving and becoming... 
Leaving and discovering...
Leaving and growing...
Leaving and being amazed!

I'm in the midst of Autumn and I'm completely tuned in to His voice which is continually whispering that I need to keep my "spiritual" eyes and ears open because sometime in the near future, I'll be leaving...

Truly Living

Resist the world and flee to God.
Resist the world and repent to God.
Resist the world and trust God.
Resist the world and believe God.
Resist the world and obey God.
Resist the world and submit to God.
Resist the world and rest in God.
Resist the world and try God.
Resist the world and let God love you!
Resist the world, hell is for real.
Resist the world and spend eternity with God.