As far back as I can remember, their divorce(s) had purpose. Leaving our home, my safe bubble had purpose. Separating from my siblings had purpose. Walking in the wilderness all alone had purpose.
My teenage pregnancy had purpose. The adoption had purpose. And yes, the abortion had purpose. The abuse yes, it too had purpose. The sorrow the feelings of abandonment and being so naïve, it all had purpose. The sexual-harassment; repeatedly, overwhelming and purposeful. The excessive dating, the insecurities and not knowing my worth, was all purposeful.
Joining the police department, 100% purposeful. The not quitting but seeing it through retirement! Yes! A rich, beautiful, blessed purposeful disguise. The wedding, the marriage, the house, the dog, the divorce…the tears, the shame, the not knowing what was next… Purposeful.
The 10 years quietly wrapped in that “false religion” not understanding the Quaran or receiving any answers to my prayers. Yes, thank you, it was deeply personal and purposeful.
The special “task force” at work, chaotic and purposeful. Disorganized, yet meaningful and friendship building purposeful. The short love affair, so unexpectedly sweet and wrong, but purposeful. The early morning hours commuting to work, happening upon a Christian radio station…
Oh so purposeful. Dr. Charles Stanley, ministering to me because he answered the call of salvation in his youth. And God used his obedience to minister to others, undeniably purposeful. Locally and globally.
All of my pain, all of my shame, all of my unanswered questions, all of the abuse, all of the not knowing, all of the wandering and wondering and waiting… All purposeful. All leading me to this beautiful blessed gift of salvation. This beautiful Savior. This beautiful life. This beautiful Unashamed testimony.
All the ways in which I get to tell others, I was a broken, lost and confused #adult mess! But HE totally turned it into His message. I am not ashamed of my past, nor am I ashamed of this gospel.
Reflecting back, it was all purposeful. Long before my parents met and had me, after their divorce, and everything leading up to this moment.
He had a plan. It hurt me so deeply as I bled continually and profusely, and it was so very long suffering, internally. But, this God can turn our ashes into beauty. He can and will and wants to redeem our lives.
Reflecting back, I could have never imagined all that aloneness would bring me here. This priceless and precious sweet spot. His life giving blood and love, and this contentment in Him, wanting nothing this world has to offer.
Yes, once desiring SO much that the world was offering and having no clue on how to obtain it, rest in it and even receive it…all those years, the little girl in me was silently weeping and He was at work! He was wooing me all of my life.
Reflecting back, I can see it with such clarity. And I am exceedingly grateful. Overwhelming and eternally grateful…S e l a h ❤️
*How about you taking some time for reflection…
*Can you see His weaving something from your past, from your now…
*Be still and spend the remainder of this year reflecting…
(This is a very personal prose, but HE has completely freed me! )
Please Lord: May someone be blessed and also set free.
—John 8:32!!!
