My words in no particular order...
She came to say hi
I was in the perfect spot
For us to collide
He lifted my head
So that I would not miss her
He knows she’s my friend
As summer flew by
We rarely stopped to converse
She knows me so well
We met in “08”
When I surrendered to Christ
Back there in Waldorf
She too was waiting
For the old to shed and be free
His perfect timing
See you later friend
As fall is soon approaching
And our journey continues…
In this season; this moment…. I just sat on the sofa, and then theses words just came out of my mouth unknowingly to me… “It’s so strange…”
And then I said out loud “what?” And my spirit said “life… life is so strange.”
Then I thought. Here I am television off, preparing dinner and while I wait for it, I’m seated back on the sofa. Waves in front of me, as far as the eyes can see. Yes, it’s as if I live on a cruise ship. People down below enjoying the last days of summer. The boardwalk, the beach, the sand, children playing, voices, laughter, birds … And I get to sit on the sofa, listening and watching.
Also picking up where I left off in my new book, on page 91. And then another strange thought, “what are the rich people doing right now?” Enjoying their lives, being spoiled? Celebrating, maybe having a party, maybe traveling, maybe spending their wealth, some may depressed, and even sick. Many are deceived. Many worked really hard and are enjoying the fruit of their labor.
And then a totally different vision… “What are the poor doing?” The homeless, the impoverished, the uneducated, unemployed, those who feel lost and hopeless? Not everyone has a home, not everyone has a meal, and sadly not everyone has someone to say “I love you.”
And then, another scenario. Countless people are at war! The news only talks about the war between Ukraine and Russia, and the war between Israel and Palestine. There are so many wars across our globe. So many are wrongly imprisoned, so many are being brutally raped, so many are being trafficked, so many are being drugged and kidnapped, starved and brutalized. So many sadly have an ongoing war inside their head. And this is the short list. Over 7 billion people on this planet. Yes, life is beyond strange.
We can be so wrapped up in our own little circle, our own little sphere of family and friendships, and be oblivious to the exterior ongoings of life; especially grief! I don’t want to be one of those people. By way of the Holy Spirit, I want to be reminded of how blessed I am, and how to share the little that I have, and how to pray for others, and how to help when the Spirit prompts me to help. With my little efforts, God can do big things. Life is strange, but I can help make a difference in the life of one other person, and make it less strange and a lot more beautiful.
I can be less self-focused, and I can be more outward focused. The Bible is so very true; it is more blessed to give than it is to receive. To much is given, much is required. Those who refresh others, they themselves will be refreshed. That has been true in my life. I don’t deserve to sit here on the sofa and be so beautifully blessed by God, having all my “needs” met and so overwhelmingly loved by Him. But He sees it differently. Jesus came to give us life. And I am grateful.
(These are just my random thoughts not to offend anyone, but that’s what came to mind when I sat down and said the word “strange…”)
I write and write and write and write…. Since my youth, I simply write… it’s second nature to me… And since my born again life, I pray…. And as I have matured, I pray and pray and write and pray some more. It is apart of this beautiful adventure and journey called life, that HE has gifted to me….
An excerpt from my journal…💜
What’s happening right now. I’m at the park and I’m watching a squirrel. I see several birds simply being birds. No concerns about their next meal. I hear the noises of summer which will soon pass us by. Children at the playground in the distance. Simply being kids as it should be. Some walkers, as this is probably their normal routine. Slow traffic moving in and out. Trees, I’m surrounded by trees and they look thirsty. Sunshine! Ahhhhhh…. The sun is my friend! 🤗
But the Son is my Savior 😭🙌🏽
Some dead grass, some green grass. Normal traffic on the outer perimeter of route 4! Lawnmowers disturbing me but a necessary task! A gentle breeze as some leaves fall gently to the ground. The noises of cicadas I believe and yet musical. My feet propped up as I sit in the passenger seat. Praying for others and asking others to pray for my family. A cup of Dunkin’ Donuts in my right hand. My books before me, three at the end of my feet on the dashboard. One to my left, and my journal and colored pens and markers in my book bag. The book bag that was gifted to me when I became a substitute teacher. The book bag that still gets compliments. And on the other side of the book bag… My friend Amy. A stuffed animal, my son who is now 36, gave me when he was five or six years old. So many thoughts on my mind. So many people to pray for. But God is saying be still. His voice, I know and His voice I will obey. 🥹❤️
After I finish embracing this “act of being still” please know that I will be praying for you! This all consuming God knows all about you and all I have to do is mention your name and HE can take it from there. Beloved, let Him take it….. whatever it is, surrender is my prayer.
Be set free in Jesus name! Amen!
Not even a poem or prose, just truth!
Do we even know that the greatest treasure that we have is to be still with the God of heaven and earth? The Holy One of Israel and the Gentiles? The One who created you and I? The One who “so loves us” that HE gave His One and “ONLY” Son, that whosever (believes) in Him (and not the lies) will NOT perish but will have eternal life with HIM when you and I die?!
Can we even wrap our finite brains around that? Of course not, that’s why HE promised the Holy Spirit at the moment of conversation; at the moment of repentance and forgiveness of sins. With a born-again life your are transformed, and your heart is regenerated, and you (begin) to understand. You begin to (see your sin) and you hate it. You begin to (see the world) and all its deception’s and all the evil. You begin to unpack your past and how you were ignorant and doing what was right in (your own eyes)! You begin to see where others hurt and failed you, where you had misplaced expectations, anger and bitterness, and even the roles that you played!
You begin to weep and thank Him uncontrollably! You begin to dive deeper into His Holy Word and you begin to draw closer and closer to HIS heart! You begin to grieve what HE grieves and love what He loves. And you begin “with no power of your own” to boldly and confidently proclaim Him. He will become part of your comings and goings, because as His son or daughter you are now hidden in Christ with the God of all creation! 😭
Beloved don’t do life on your own. As that is right where (satan) wants you!!! Don’t look for (him or her) to satisfy you. Don’t pursue lesser things when this Sweet Jesus is the #greatest thing! With this precious and oftentimes dangerous free will that God gives us, please choose to #pursue the One who took the death you deserved! The One who gives life (so that) you can live! The One who will one day return to #judge the world, and soon I pray! But yet also the One who will #not condemn those who belong to God!
You willingly and subconsciously place your faith in so many other things… Why wait to decide if you believe, if you want this “Christian life” or if you want to “give up” your pleasures for His (already paid for) sacrifice?!?!
Personally I’d love to know what the enemy has convinced you of that’s better?
I’ve tasted this world “people, places and things” and have not one single regret in (giving it all up) for this Christ! And actually … HE gave me no alternative…. HIS love absolutely compelled me to surrender. If you haven’t surrendered “fully” it’s only because you don’t yet know this love…you’ve yet to encounter HIS love!
Note: “subconscious…existing in the mind but not immediately available to consciousness : affecting thought, feeling, and behavior without entering awareness. subconscious motives.” Why allow the adversary of your soul to deceive you a moment longer?!?!
To love them, to have done life together, all the laughter, tears, trials and trumps together… and then, to lose them…
How…why and is this for real? Are just some of the questions swirling around inside my head….these are my thoughts…
My heart already knows the answer but I refuse to allow myself to sit with reality…I will not accept this…
I will not concede that they are gone forever and never to be seen again…seriously - never? Just unbelievable to me…
I cannot sit through the funeral procession…. I will not do it knowing that after it’s over, that is the “final good bye…”
I prefer to stay in this fictional mindset of believing “they are still here…they are simply asleep…”
I will “convince myself” that those whom I loved and who loved me are not dead, and not eternally separated from God…
I will stand in this place…this head space with my feet firmly planted and, I will not move… nor will I weep…I will not shed a tear…making it appear real…
And as I am contemplating all of this…conversing inside my brain, the Holy Spirit gently brings me back to reality…whispering…
Jesus is Lord, salvation was and is available to all of mankind…and whosoever believeth in Him shall not perish…but have eternal life…
Beloved, you absolutely know the rest; you’ve memorized it, you believe it and you have proclaimed it repeatedly…
Beloved, you know I give the gift of free will, and they made their choice… they chose to reject my Son and to refuse My love…
So move pass this sorrow and go tell those who are still among the living… the time is short and My Son, the King is coming…
love, laughter, tears…
greed, hatred, pride…
compassion, patience, humility…
all the same in any language…
be a useful vessel for His Kingdom…
Morning by morning I want to give You due praise…
Order my steps I give You all of my days…
Surrender this flesh to submit to Your ways…
Proclaiming this gospel of truth and to never downplay…
Guide my heart to pray just as You prayed…
Keep my focus on You and not lured into a daze…
Mold me to Your image and set me ablaze…
Note: Definitions of daze:
*noun: confusion characterized by lack of clarity…
*noun: the feeling of distress and disbelief that you have when something bad happens accidentally…
He knew I’d say yes
The One who created me
Knew before my birth
They don’t yet believe
Though He gave them an offspring
Who would proclaim Him
She weeps and she weeps
Confident that I hear her
She points to My Son
Her joy spills over
Because she “trusts” in My Word
It will come to pass
Beloved I’m here
Thanksgiving is your pathway
To finish your race
Abba her pain is real
Her pain is deep
Her pain is verbal
Her pain is long-suffering
Her pain is all-consuming
Her pain is excruciating
Her pain is temporal
Her pain is purposeful
As was Your Son’s
Please refocus her…
Be glorified in her pain
That the world may know
Jesus is “her” Lord
He is sure to “redeem this!”
In the season of winter, when it is dry, when it is cold, when it is barren… When it appears isolated, and unusually quiet… I still rejoice
We get to see things we would normally not have seen. We get to hear sounds we would not have normally heard otherwise…
And those trees. I love the naked trees, as I get to see through them and beyond them. Some things exposed and some need to remain hidden… some treasures and some not so pleasant….
My travels appear more adventurous. I ponder a little longer because there does not seem to be a rush… A hurriedness to get to the next thing… It is much quieter and delightfully slower in the barren season called “winter.”
*note “forgot to post.”
Winter is stillness
Winter is home hugs
Winter is contentment
Winter is waiting
Winter is a gift
Winter is fireplace app
Winter is homemade soup
Winter is pjs all day
Winter brings longings
Winter brings growth
Winter brings wisdom
Winter brings silence
Winter brings clarity
Winter brings anticipation
Hello Winter’s Bliss
I welcome you…
*note “forgot to post”
No manicure, no pedicure, no hair color, no fancy designer outfits, no diamonds, no expensive handbag, no stilettos, just plain ole me. Sometimes I feel like an outsider… Sometimes I feel “outdated.” Sometimes I do feel blah…”my inside thoughts” for sure…
It doesn’t last too long; because when I snap back to reality, I smile so wide remembering I belong to the King; and He has clothe me in His Robe of Righteousness! He has anointed me and I absolutely shine!! I shine like never before.
So, if “Plain Jane” is how I feel, I'll learn to embrace her. The alternative is that I can have those things, but do I really want them? No not really. I see them on other women and I think about it, I really think about. No, I don't really want that. If I did, I would do it. We actually do what we want to do. That's how the flesh is, and nothing can stop us.
Truthfully I don't want those things, I’ve had them! I just think about them from time to time. What I really want is a comfortable pair of flat shoes, the perfect mattress, as the “sleep number” is highly overrated….and yes, I always, always want something yummy to eat… Lol
PS…and if I could, I’d love the perfect sofa! Firm but comfortable! But that would be optional. Because I would prefer to buy Bibles…lots and lots of bibles … Yep! Lol.
Frantically looking everywhere, it was no where to be found. I even asked for the Holy Spirt’s help in locating it. My mind was racing! Who would discover it, and who would soon know the depths of my soul and the intimate cries of my heart?! Although I had complete confidence it would turn up, I was still anxious about all of me being exposed.
When I journal, it’s raw and it’s real. Why not be transparent with the Lover of my soul? He already knows all of me and nothing about my life is off limits to Him. All of my thoughts and days lay bare before Him.
For a short while I gave up the search and resumed life. After all, I had my name and number written on the inside. A few days later an unknown call came in, and I found myself saying “Hello” which is rare because I never answer “those people.” The Holy Spirit had prompted me for sure.
On the other end was a woman calling to say that she’d found my journal. We agreed to meet within the next hour and I was over the moon excited. As she was approaching my gray Honda, I could tell by her hijab that she was of muslim background. She kind of smiled and then bowed her head slightly. When she handed it to me she admitted that she had read it.
Before I could respond, she caught me by surprise and with tears quietly streaming down her face said, “Please, tell me about your Jesus.“
I too began to cry because I had prayed to the Lord to send me a Muslim friend.
Of all of my journals, this one meant the most to me. It had “Beloved” written across the front, and that was a foreign “word” to her. We shared a meal and spent three beautiful hours talking about this precious “good news” and how she too could be His “Beloved.”
In the day to day, the little tasks, the mundane and the uneventful…look for God! Look for His creations, His hand, His love notes, His using someone to minister to you, listen for His voice, His leading…lean into His love. Life is filled with waiting, difficulties, bad news, weariness, sorrow, uncertainties, angry and unsaved people…and yes so much evil… and the list goes on…But look for our God! He is the beauty, He is the joy, He is the grace, He is the peace, His is the answer and He is the hope…. In this gift called life…look for this God! He is in our midst…daily!
Sometimes I’m weary, sometimes I’m blue, but I’ll fix my eyes on You…
There are days when I’m not sure what to do, but my eyes are fixed on You…
In a culture of lies remind me what’s true, as my eyes stayed fixed on You…
Just as promised Your mercies are new, my eyes are fixed on You…
The finish line You will bring me to, help keep my eyes on You…
The broken leaves are falling from the branch, twirling down to the ground. Sort of musical but silent. Sort of like a quiet ballerina or a fleeting monarch. Similar to a happy day coming to a close, as they all must do. I see them… I see the leaves … with all the noise, the chaos, and the sorrow … I see the leaves. I see the leaves. As my heart breaks, I see joy and I smile like a child. In the mist of my sorrow, and this present darkness, all things beautiful and broken will come to an end. Something is breaking and something is brewing, and this is my sure hope. He promised.
A reminder that the “weeping willow” is not alone. She may weep alone, and stand alone, but she is not alone. She is surrounded by other trees. They may not be weeping as she is, but they are waiting to encourage her. They are right there beside her, within loving distance, if she so desires, companionship and if a she chooses to be vulnerable.
Similar to this tree, this beautiful and strong Weeping Willow…my heart weeps continuously. #ButGod…He sustains me. I am rooted in Him! He holds me close! I will not fall because He cannot fail.
Note: I am unable to post the picture that I took, but it inspired me to write the above. I pray you can pull up an image of the most beautiful weeping willow, and that is what I saw, and inspired me and reminded me that we never weep alone. It may feel as though we are standing alone, but it is not true.
Look at me says this tree
I’m not traditional and I’m not as strong
But I have a character all my own
Look at me says this tree
Slow down from life and notice me
I’m not demanding and in no way loud
Look at me says this tree
I’d love to hear your heart and comfort you with my quiet beauty
Look at me says this tree
Sit here under my fragrance and whisper to me
I promise to respect your privacy
*inspired by the Wisteria tree
In the prior season of waiting, the longings, the darkness, the quietness, the uncertainty…and yes, all those tears…In that season of waiting has proven fruitful. I'm driving around, thinking about Dunkin' Donuts coffee or not. And I see so many beautiful flowers, breathtaking flowers, making me want to just stop and turn around and take a photo. I’ve done this three times already! As if I've never seen them before. And then I see the trees, trees that were once naked, appeared to be dead, now fully clothed in all their glory. I cannot help but stop and thank God. Absolutely breathtaking to my natural eye. Why? Because I got through winter. He brought me through yet another winter. Spring has sprung, and this is the result of the waiting! SELAH!
The birds sing, so do I.
The waves dance, so do I.
The trees clap, so do I.
The wind sways, so do I.
The sun rises, so do I.
The thunder roars, so do I.
If creation praises You, so do I.
I love You God, good morning.
Breathing
Resting
Grateful
His grace
His peace
His presence
Grateful
Resting
Breathing
Not by any works
Not needing to prove myself
Just a recipient of His love
Breathing
Resting
Grateful
Still learning
Still listening
Still leaning on Him
So beautiful
So blessed
So beloved
S e l a h…
Thank You Abba❤️
My Unceasing Tears
Similar to a tree, a beautiful and strong Weeping Willow…my heart weeps continuously. #ButGod…He sustains me. I am rooted in Him! He holds me close! I will not fall because He cannot fail.
What’s happening now… The waves across the Bay, the sweet chorus overriding the humming from the refrigerator, and the Youtube fireplace in the background. And there are the precious birds, speaking in their own love language. That sound is overriding the waves. And, look…as I write…fluffy “one of a kind” snowflakes are twirling from the sky to the ground. In slow motion, it seems. Like a little girl, I feel so giddy. Pausing and smiling wide! It may not be enough to blanket the earth, but it is such a beautiful sight to see. The gift of sight, the gift of hearing, so many gifts we take for granted! Oh Father, I say, thank You! Thank You for the gifts! These gifts and the biggest gift; Your Son! And His promised peace…SELAH!
Short shorts, mini skirts, selfies and smiles galore…
Some faithful joggers, dog walkers and bicyclist’s …
Construction flag men, outdoor cafes and people conversing…
And a “poetry in motion” chorus of birds before me…
Rush hour traffic begins, impatience and mean spirited people pass by…
Doctor’s visits, text messages and prayer requests…
I’m in the midst of all of this at once…surrounded by people doing life…
School letting out, public transportation and everyone glued to a cell phone…
Still amazed at the tiny winged creatures and their voices louder than humans…
I’m waiting for my mommy and because of my morning with Jesus I feel encouraged yet heavy…
I have HIS sure promised peace, but still my heart grieves for all who do not…
One fish at a time is true, but more and quicker I pray…receive His love now…today I pray…
In these last days, many are so content in enjoying this temporary sun when they can enjoy the eternal Son…
LORD JESUS BRING THEM TO YOU I PRAY…
While I wait on You, please help me to discern that which is weariness, winter weight, winter blues or warfare. The Spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.
This BEAUTIFUL SAVIOR! Sitting here with all my God tools and heard an emergency vehicle going by. I paused to pray and then just “kept praying” and “somehow” He caused me to burst into tears, and then penned this. How the two are related only HE knows! I never ever want to forget the CROSS AND HOW HE ABSOLUTELY SAVED ME!!! 😢😢😢❤️❤️❤️✝️✝️✝️
HIS ROBE
I broke all the commandments. Just to make some; I worshipped a false god. I took things that did not belong to me. Yes, I was a thief. I embellished things day after day. Yes, I was a liar. I had envy and jealousy deep within my heart, and sometimes on my sleeve. Yes, He said “thou shall not covet” and I did it anyway, repeatedly.
I had sex outside of marriage, not while I was married, but before I was married. Over and over and over again. It was actually my lifestyle. And so very normal to me. The drinking the cursing the drugs… All the gossip, the partying, and all the other things that we do when we are not in covenant relationship with Him.
The lack of “self care” for the body He gave me, which I was naïvely unaware of. The lack of parenting skills. The lack of boundaries and protection. The lack of quality time with my children because overtime was more important.
All the while “trying to build” a safety net or nest-egg just in case, because my pride would not allow me to ask for help otherwise. All deep rooted anger and frustration, the long-standing unforgiveness with some people, including my parents. And these are just a few things that resemble the old me.
And then He comes with His Robe of righteousness, taking off my filthy clothes and stripping me of my worldly and ungodly behaviors and mindset. He calls me to repentance and then He calls me “Beloved.”
I’m completely undone because surely I do not deserve it, and did absolutely nothing to earn it… And yet He whispers, “I love you!”
—Personal question(s) for reflection:
Do you have this Robe? Are you His “Beloved?”
The Other 364 Days❤️
It’s Valentine’s Day
So many celebrate love
But do not know love
It’s Valentine’s Day
A costly day to spell l-o-v-e
While His love is free
It’s Valentine’s Day
Countless grieving hearts will mourn
He is in your midst
It’s Valentine’s Day
The Savior loves all year long
Bring your pain to Him
It’s Valentine’s Day
His love has no price tag
Was paid in advance
It’s Valentine’s Day
A short-lived feeling for most
But not for His Bride
Random prose as I sit here looking across the Bay! Clouds and some fog and light rain… Waves gently moving toward the right… As January comes to a close…
It’s winter and it’s not cold yet but soon will be. I’m shedding and weeping and it’s at times, overwhelming. Nothing new to Him as He prepared these warm days in advance. He absolutely knew I would not be able to stay inside with all of these emotions. At least twice a week He has given me an escape. No people overload and no ministry assignments. But He also knows I’d be willing and available if “the circumstance” calls for it. He knows my limitations and HE is my source of strength. He knows the voice inside of me will say with all humility, “I don’t want to, but I’ll do it for You.”
He’s so very patient with me. I need winter. And I embrace all that comes with it, even the difficulties. I need shedding. We all do. Without it we will continually carry stuff we shouldn’t and were never meant to. Without winter we would live a “I’m okay in public” but a “Not really in private.” And who, who wants to live like that?
I’d prefer the pain and the tears. The realization and the unpacking it all. The knowing I don’t have to and HE so wants to. I prefer the shedding of my soul and the preparations for Spring. As He wills it. I prefer the being made new and embracing every beautiful thing planned for me before the foundation of the world.
So winter…have it your way. I’m armed with my Sword of the Spirit, my Kleenex, my journal, my Romans 8:26 and the saints that will walk with me when the burden tries to overtake me. I’m HIS and all of my days are before Him. He promised and so quietly and lovingly reminded me last night in Psalm 139… One verse at a time, He whispered, I AM … I see you. I know you. I created you and I Am right here with you.
Love, Abba❤️
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