Now What?

we were inseparable
we talked for hours
we laughed and joked
we kissed and held hands

we made love and it
was truly two souls
connecting as one

it felt like a kindred spirit
a long lost lover reuniting
and at last there was closure

there were vacations
photographs and love letters
memories for decades to come

family get togethers and
many many moments of
tender loving care

and then

something happened
life took a twist and a turn
and a front row seat to
our love our commitment

it all started to come apart
step by step and day by day
your feelings shifted

in response
my feelings shifted
i shut down

you chose them
her and him
friendships and hobbies

seeking for something
someone other than
the one who loved you

the one who gave her all
or so she thought
at least at the time

all that she was capable of
all that she had within
she was willing to do anything

but it was too late
she'd already lost and
had no idea that it was final

your heart was closed
your mind made up
and your bags were packed

devastated and confused
she cried and she cried
and then she slept
a deep spiritual sleep

and then she woke up
willing to forgive to heal
and to move forward

believing that it was her fate
to never love again
to never be loved again

it was okay she was okay
and then something happened
he came so unexpectedly

so gentle
so compassionate
so available

uncertain but not afraid
she willing let love in
slowly and overtime

he proved to be true
to be the one
this time she was sure

never more convinced
and never more awake
that he was her love
her quiet longing was fulfilled

and then

you came back
subtly reappearing
with your heartfelt regrets
and sincere apologies


what am i supposed to do
can i love you again
can i trust you again
give you my heart again

i don't think that i can
but this life is not my own
it belongs to him and
i'll leave it up to him

i won't decide
i will not move forward
i will stand in this space
and trust the one i know