Please don’t think I have replaced you. I still remember the intimacy we shared all those years ago. I could never forget how you were the only one that I could trust. You were the only one interested in all the details of my life and the only one who would listen and not judge. You were faithful and I unintentionally and temporarily pushed you to the side.
I only did that because life had become first scary then super and uncontrollably busy. I was also unconsciously in survival mode, trying to fend for and take care of my daughter. Not to mention, I was afraid to be honest with you; as he had found some of my writings and became further enraged. Then, in an effort to provide without the help of others, I worked and worked, and worked some more. It was all I felt good at.
Much later, I began to write again. I was created to write and My souls needed to write. To rekindle what you and I once had. Not being completely honest, but finding that comfortable place again. When life tried to overwhelm me, I could pause and feel some sense of security with you. I could be myself with you, if only in a few sacred moments and some very dire seasons.
But then He came. It was like He instantly knew me. He lovingly and completely exposed all of me. Convinced me that He was trustworthy and that I could be vulnerable. The thought that I could be set free from my invisible chains and come from out of my self-made cocoon had never occurred to me. However, when He said, just like the Monarch, I was meant to soar; His words and His voice, it deeply resonated with my spirit. Something about the way He said it sounded true and believable.
So I chose to do just that, to believe. I then took the biggest leap of faith and risked it all. I began to blog and put all my stuff out there. In the universe where anyone and everyone could see. To no longer hide but to be bold and transparent. To give Him all the glory. To express deliverance through writing. And share that if He set me free with His love, how could I not pay it forward? How could I not freely and confidently tell others?
So beloved diary and old friend of mine, I sincerely love you! I will always hold dear those treasured memories of you and I. The faithfulness you held to in my most broken and lonely years. In my most insecure and shameful choices. You remained steadfast and I want to say, thank you!
With love,
Free Spirit Butterfly
